SSBN 657 Sea Stories

We need your KEY sea stories. You know, the no-shitters you tell your friends after a few drinks. Submit them to ssbn657@comcast.net. They can be funny, sad, true events, scary moments, weird happenings... whatever you want. But, they just need to be interesting.

Below is a collection of Key Sea Stories submitted by your shipmates. The short stories are shown complete. The longer stories have a brief portion of the story and you just have to click on the read more link to see the entire story. Now sit back with your favorite beverage and relive some of the Keys funniest, weirdest, scariest, dumbest and proudest moments.

Thanksgiving 1970 - Fire on the USS Canopus - by Tom Courtien, Russ Christie and John Linville

Tom had just sent some info on the 1970 MUC to be placed on the web site so I asked him if he was also on board the Key in 1970 when it was tied along side the USS Canopus AS-34 in Holy Lock the night the Canopus caught fire. Here is Tom's e-mail reply.

Yes, I remember that night well. I had the duty; I was in charge of the working party for baggage. We had just sent the baggage off to Preswick because you guys (blue crew) were taking over the next day. I was topside near AMR1 when the tender announced that there was a fire. When I told the topside watch to pass the word the below decks guys all thought it was a drill. I passed the word "I don't think so" because by then, all hell had broken loose.... read more

A very wet day! - submitted by Russ Christie, Harry Baker and Bob Weeks (updated 03/14/07)

It was in February 1972, we had just off-loaded our missiles in Charleston and were on our way to the Panama Canal to transit going to Bremerton, WA for the Key's first overhaul and conversion from Polaris to Poseidon missiles. We were snorkeling at periscope depth with the head valve pinned open because it has been failing shut causing problems with ventilating the ship. Then a reactor scram drill took place and, as it was explained to me, instead of recovering the scrammed set of rods, the operator scrammed the only operational set of rods thus completely shutting off all ships power. We immediately lost propulsion and the bow dipped causing the snorkel mast to drop below the surface. The battery had kicked in so the fans were now drawing water down the snorkel mast and sending it throughout the ship. The first alarm came, "Flooding in the torpedo room!" followed seconds later by ...read more

First Trident Launch submitted by Bill Kaczmarek MT2- Gold crew 78 - 80 (12/15/06)

The Key was chosen to execute the first submerged launch of a Trident missile back in 1978-1979 and we steamed from our home port of Charleston, SC to Cape Canaveral, FL loaded with ballast in our missile tubes. When we got there, we outfitted the boat with a telemetry mast and then loaded two trident D-1 test missiles with the idea of doing two shots.

When the boat was finally rigged, we proceeded out to the test range where we launched the first bird. About three seconds into the launch, the status reports stopped being read and after a few more minutes we found out that the missile failed and was destroyed as it hit the ocean...read more

Everyone knows that FBM submariners are not good line handlers. We only got to practice a couple of times a year. I was in charge of line 6 which is the aft most line on the KEY. I liked it because no one ever went back there due to the fact that you had to walk down the turtleback to get there and it was often slippery. On this day we are returning to port and the tug pulls along side...read more

Drop the Anchor? What Anchor? - Submitted by Bob Weeks QM2 Blue 70's (03/14/07)

After the Key nearly sunk (See A very wet day sea story) we dried off and headed to Bremerton for the Key's first overhaul. What else could possibly happen. Well, we took out a major communications cable that traversed Puget Sound. In preparation to entering the shipyard, we tested all systems, including dropping the anchor. The problem was that we could not totally raise the anchor back into a locked position without putting a man in the chain locker, so the captain made the decision to drag the anchor for the few remaining miles. As part of the Navigation team, my job was to plot our position and to pass that information to the bridge. As we entered the sound, the ship slowed and lurched forward - I checked our position and noted that an underwater cable intersected our position. The following day, the local newspaper reported telephone outages for areas served by that cable - the Navy, of course denied any knowledge of an incident.

I served on the Key from 70 to 72 and made my first patrol out of Holy Loch - we set sail on Christmas Eve and I was on the flying bridge with Captain Yarger. Being a QM meant that I "knew" Morse code, so the Captain asked me to send a message, via signal light, to one of his buddies on shore. I was not a skilled signalman, and so made my best
effort. Much to my dismay, someone on shore flashed a message back - I have no idea what it said, but told the Captain that it wished us a "Merry Christmas and a safe journey".

Captain Bump Shanghaied me to be on the nav team to deliver the Key to Bremerton. Once we got there I was transferred to the Nautilus and was discharged from there in October of 72.

For those of us who rode the Key in the early days, you’ll remember the Ballantine sign that hung over the diesel coffin cover in AMR2LL. I think it was “liberated” from the El Bolero in New London at some point well before I came aboard, The drill was the watchstander doing a battery charge would turn the lighted sign on when starting the diesel. Well of course the proper fellows from the ORSE Boards would comment on their physical inspection that there was an unauthorized sign in the compartment. This went on for a couple of patrols until Admiral Rickover sent a personal letter to the Gold Crew skipper, detailing what actions he would suffer if the inspection team were to return and find the sign. As I remember, no one wanted to turn the sign over to the Blue Crew for disposal so it was decided just to deep six it with proper ceremony. Having done some battery charges, I thought it added a little touch of home during a fairly boring task.

Note: If anyone has a picture of the Ballantine sign, we would love to have it on the web site.

Tool Stories - submitted by John Linville Gold 66 - 71 (05/08/07)

Some of the early patrols used commercial charters that landed in Quonset Point , Rhode Island and we were bused back to the Grenfell Hall. Customs at Quonset Point was usually a pretty perfunctory operation. However on one return to the states, we were all required to open our seabags. Lots of jokes about dirty skivvies and socks as we lined up single file for the process. However one forward type, whose name will be concealed to protect the guilty, had just completed his final patrol in this man’s Navy and had brought a spare seabag which he spent the patrol filling with Snap-On tools. Well that seabag was now sitting on the flight line, unloaded from the aircraft but unclaimed by anyone. The COB made several announcements to get your seabags and get into line but this orphan sea bag just sat out there on the tarmac. By now the customs guys were getting interested in it! ....read more.

Well we were about to get underway, but we had a major issue in RC. They would not let anyone off ship for the week, not even pier liberty hardly. Then they decided that it was going to take days to fix, so the Brew was on the Key. Liberty for all, keg at club, care of FS Key. We drank like there would be no tomorrow, closed the club, then went to town, and wouldn't you know that at 2 AM we get a call, "Anyone here from the Key?" Yeah 3 of us, but with town cops sitting outside club, everyone refused to drive so I faked it and said I was fine to drive. Well St. Mary's in the 80's, needless to say, we got followed and stopped, and needless to say COB Rhinehart was not a happy camper. He had to pick us up. Half the crew ended up 3 sheets to the wind as we got underway that night/morning. I hopped in bed for about 45 minutes when ship was getting underway. I remember asking if I could sleep in, that was not the right thing to ask. All in the day and the life of a sailor, back then anyways. Charges were dropped after I got back from sea at St Mary's court and life is good...........That's my two cents.

During one of the patrols we made out of Rota , some Key sailors were involved in the great “slop chute” affair. If you, who made runs out of Rota , remember, the slop chute was the small bar out by the back gate. You could get “hambergeros”, beer, and rum and cokes in your coveralls or dungarees. A concession to the crews in overhaul that didn’t want to dress up for the various clubs on base. The slop chute work force was local Spanish guys who spoke pretty broken English. Someone, I don’t remember who, got the bright idea that the sailors in the bar could do a better job behind the counter than the locals so they were “evicted”. People kept paying and whoever was behind the counter manned the till, all legitimate. Then some guys sitting outside at the tables decided, having watched the local workers leaving the base on their little motorbikes through the back gate, to have some target practice. ...read more

The dates of his time on the Key, 75 - 84, and the fact he was on both crews with no break in between means there is a good sea story to be told here. Mike tells the circumstances of his 9 year run on the Key. Click to read more...

by Ronald "Lonnie" Marchand 75 - 78 Radio Gold: (8/27/07)

After graduating from RM "C" School, I reported for my next duty station, Sub School, New London in March of 75. The Sub Classes were full, so all students waiting for a seat were given temporary assignments. I knew one of the Radiomen assigned to the Staff. He worked up a deal that I could not refuse. Click to read more...

M-Div ELT Stories from the early days.... From John Linville 66 - 71 Gold M-Div (8/24/07)

Couple of short stories come to mind about first cycle gold crew patrols 1 through 9. Three out of Rota, three out of Holy Loch and three out of Charleston. Sort of a submarine EastLant or something. A couple deal with the ELT gang of which I was a member. First patrol our lead was Larry Sorensen who was a good guy. There also was another ELT who was already qualified ELT but not SS if I remember right. Anyway back on those days, before the charged disc for you young ELTs, you actually did an iodine separation with chemicals and glassware. At the end you had to shake a flask with a stopper before filtering the contents. Well ol’ Charley (who I notice isn’t on the crew list and left the boat immediately after that patrol) forgot to hold his finger over the stopper.... Click to read more...

Loss of Shore Power at 200 feet? From Marty Clemens 1972 – 1975 Gold Crew. (11/03/07)

It was the first overhaul in Bremerton. We were doing sound trials in Dabob Bay. Only this time we were rigged with shore power and hanging on buoys at 200 feet depth. We were like that for about a week. The reactor was shutdown for this and we were too deep to snorkel. I remember walking around in my blue working jacket. The next day the sound trials were supposed to be over and we would surface. Mostly the nukes would remember that the day before we were to surface we lost shore power. Not a pretty sight. Especially when we could not snorkel. That was only time I remember having to do a reactor/steam plant startup on the battery. Couldn't wait to get the first SSTG on line. Not a lot of room for error. But, we pulled it off.

Kings Bay vs St Mary's From F.M. Thornal RMC Blue Radio 77 - 81 (11/10/07)

I had just reported to the Key in Kings Bay, GA. My new Chief, RMC(SS) Jack Morrow, whom I had served with aboard the USS Madison, went into St. Mary's to wash clothes in the only Laundromat in the county. We put our clothes in the washer and decided to go to the only bar in town, Old Town Pub. After getting totally sloshed we went back to the Laundromat only to find it closed. All our uniforms were in the washer. The next morning we had to explain to the COB why we didn't have a uniform and needed to go to St. Mary and dry our uniforms and then return to the ship. Thankfully the Laundromat owner had seen them in the washer and dried them for us. He was NOT happy. Kings Bay was just beginning to start up as a base. There was nothing there at all. Now the area is totally a Navy town. Even the paper mill has closed and in the process of being torn down to make room for shopping, condo's and single family houses.

Ashes to Ashes - well sometimes From Cory Curtis 91 - 93 Gold NavET (11/10/07)

On one of the last deterrent patrols aboard the Key in the 1990s I participated in two burial at sea ceremonies.

We brought the ashes and the family's requests with us as we left for patrol.

The first ceremony was very respectful. The ashes were contained in a carved stone box. We brought a plank with us for the ceremony. The ship surfaced on our way out to our patrol area and several sailors went through the bridge and stood on the port plane. It was a calm bright day with a light wind and a few clouds for extra depth. Participating in the ceremony made you feel very small in that great big blue ocean under a never ending heavenly sky. During the ceremony when the time was right we released the stone box and watched it respectfully slide down the plank and into the briny deep. Unfortunately, the second ceremony did not go as well... Click to read more.

MCC Memories - Did those guys ever do any work? From Dave Carter FTB Gold 80 - 83 (11/20/07)

One of our favorite tricks to avoid putting on EABs in MCC during drills (in-port or at sea) was talking on the sound-powered phones using coffee cups from the mess decks. We'd talk to Control with our mouths and one hand over the cup...It sounded just like we were wearing EABs.

Also... I often wonder what happened to the sound system (cassette deck and speakers) we had in MCC... We certainly had enough cut-off switches to shut off the music if anyone suddenly appeared at the MCC door (one on the MCC door and one next to the Dial-X with a reset switch in the slot for the MCC log next to the console). I remember Greg Cook spending a whole weekend drilling holes (through the holes in the insulation) in the overhead in front of the keyboard for two additional speakers, not to mention all the drill bits he burned up getting through all that HY-80... I think he said he went through over 20 bits, but that memory is over 20 years old :)

Pranks - From Jesse Sims Blue Weapons 67 - 70 (11/20/07)

I used to stand LOS watch...a 1st Class Aux by the name of Hankel used to stand Aux 1 watch. We played pranks on each other all the time. We both slept in the Missile Compartment. Anyway, one day/night, Hankel was in his rack asleep...I took several rolls of EB Green and completely taped the entire entrance to his rack shut, except for a small hole in the middle ( I didn't want him to suffocate). I was at launcher when I heard laughter as people were walking by his rack, all they could hear was a muffled cry for help, and when they looked inside the cube, they saw Hankel's finger sticking out of the hole I had left. He had to be cut out of his rack.

He got me back tho.....I awoke one day/night to an alarm going off...I jumped out of my rack and grabbed my poopy suit and tried to put it on as I was trying to get to my station. He had stapled the legs of my poopy suit shut....There I was jumping on one foot down the aisle, In Middle level Missile, trying to get my other foot in the leg to the suit.....everyone thought it quite funny. I never did get that damn suit on.

He was a great guy. I'd like to know what happened to him, I do not see him listed on the crew list....could you ask everyone?

Thanks, Jesse

Here’s a true story that’s pretty funny (After 30 years, though, maybe I should say, “Here’s a pretty true story that’s pretty funny.” )

During ET1 Karl Varanti's (Gold crew, mid 70's) submarine qualification oral board, he was asked the question, "What's the main source of the atmospheric contaminant methane aboard this ship?" (Correct answer: inboard venting of the sanitary tanks.) The questioner was the COB, Chief Gus Peterson. Varanti replied, "Farts?" The COB, who was well known for his dislike of 'nukes' in general and wise-ass remarks in particular, turned red in the face, clinched his teeth, slammed his fist onto the table and barked, "I asked for the MAIN source!" Varanti paused in mock thoughtfulness for a few seconds, and then said, "Petty Officer Roarick?" I think the examination was postponed for a week or two after that.

An E Div Chief * (sitting on the aft workbench in AMR2UL, drinking coffee and looking down at me scrub the deck on the mid watch):

“To keep you pissed off, that’s why. Happy, contented sailors might think twice about launching a missile that will kill 20 million people in an instant. But, on the other hand, take your average pissed off submarine sailor who’s cleaning something that’s not dirty for the umpteenth time this patrol. He’ll push that button in a friggin’ heartbeat. Don’t kid yourself, the Navy knows this. And that’s why you’re scrubbing this deck for the 30th time this month, Rodgers. And that’s why these things are called ‘strategic detergent’ patrols.”

Surf and Turf compliments of the Hunley - Not -

submitted by Jesse Sims TM Blue Crew 67 - 70 (01/04/08)

The Blue crew had taken over the boat, and we were tied up to the tender "Hunley" (I believe). Steve Rosen, another TM, and I were told we had to go on the "Stores loading party". For what ever reason, we ended up at the front of the line, just behind one guy from the Hunley who was supposed to lead the party and tell us what to load. First he lead us to the Meat Locker, and opened the door and went inside. Rosen and I followed just inside the door. As the guy was looking around for what we were supposed to take, Rosen looked to his right an saw prime steak sitting there. I looked to my left and saw Lobster tails sitting there. SO...the guy handed us a ground beef, which was passed down the line, Rosen picked up steak and passed it down the line, I picked up Lobster tail and passed it down the line. To make a long story short, we ended up running out of storage space on the boat for meat, so we stored the cheap stuff in the Missile Compartment bilges. Same thing happened in the gee dunk locker...we had PLENTY of nuts, Oysters, etc in our lockers. The boat had Lobster and steak twice a week that patrol, and when we turned the boat over, we had more $ value left than we were supposed to have left on patrol with...my understanding. Anyway, Rosen and I paid the price...we were assigned to every "stores loading party" after that. I also understand after that, the tenders got tough and nobody except tender personnel were allowed in meat lockers, etc.

Golden Flapper Golden Flapper - and I'm not stuttering - By Ron Shouse TM 69 -74 Blue

I did win the “Golden Flapper” Award one patrol. It was the same Patrol Dave Andrus (TM3 unqualified, aka Carrot Top) won the award for a “Double Golden Flapper”. After he had opened the flapper and got blasted, he immediately shut the flapper but left the flushing water running. Cowan ran in and saw the material dripping from the ceiling and the bowl overflowing. He yelled to Andrus to pull the flapper and drain the bowl and Andrus reached over and pulled the flapper for a second time. At this point Dave Andrus just sat down about to cry with sanitaries blowing all over. I don’t remember who was in the next stall but he ended up having a sanitary shower !

I tell you all this to take the spotlight off my “Golden Flapper” Oh, the salty taste, the paper and corn in the beard ! Gosh I love all these memories !

It was the my first patrol (1976, Gold crew). I was a line handler and the aft-most person standing topside. We were headed down the Cooper River away from the Naval Weapons Station. The line handlers were getting ready to go below. LtCdr Johnston, the XO, walked toward me and said,“Rodgers, take this line and secure that steel cable next to the escape trunk so that it doesn’t slap against the hull while we’re submerged.” “Yes, sir.” LtCdr Johnston handed me about 6 feet of brown twine and walked away. I crawled as far aft as I could, but my ‘come-along’ tether kept me about a foot away from being able to reach the escape trunk hatch. I thought, “I’ll be damned if I fail at the very first thing I’m asked to do while underway on a submarine!” So, like an idiot (I am much smarter in my old age), I unhooked my come-along tether from the rail and crawled aft to the escape trunk hatch. After I finished tying the last knot, something made me consider the screw turning at the aft end of the ship. I assumed we were doing about ‘all ahead standard’, so I did a quick mental calculation and figured about how many thousand horsepower the screw was transmitting to the river water. Then I had an epiphany that snapped me out of my mathematical reverie: I’m on a slippery, wet, rounded piece of smooth HY-80 steel, and if I start sliding, one of those beautifully curved blades could knock my head clean off, and the shaft wouldn’t even slow down! I would have been chewed up and spit out by that screw less than a second after I slid into the water. With my heart pounding, I very carefully crawled back to the rail and hitched my come-along tether to it. After I stood up and was beginning to recover from my near-death experience, LtCdr Johnston walked toward me again. He leaned aft and squinted at my handiwork. (I noticed that he didn’t disconnect his come-along tether.) “That’ll do. Go below.” “Yes, sir.”

We were on the surface inbound to Kings Bay. The Communicator, LTJG Becknell was the OOD in the Bridge. We had Radio traffic to clear so I called the Comm and asked him if we could set up the Emergency whip for training to transmit the traffic Via Oresties. He got permission from the CO and then the Radiomen took the whip to the Bridge, put it in the Base, hooked up the cable from the transmission line to the base, Then went below. Now if you remember, the Whip inserts in a hole just in front of the OOD and the Base it just to the right and behind the bridge box. Mr Becknell didn't get excited about anything. EXCEPT!!, when the radiomen started transmitting. We heard LOUD AND CLEAR on the 1MC "FIRE IN THE BRIDGE, TELL THE DAMN RADIOMEN TO STOP TRANSMITTING!!! TELL THEM TO STOP TRANSMITTING!!!" When the Radiomen installed the Whip they didn't tighten the wing nuts tight enough on the cable from the transmission line to the base, So when they started transmitting, a 1000 watt arch of electricity was dancing all around the base and bridge box. Needless to say, Mr Becknell had a few choice words for us when he got relieved and came to radio.

This was told to me at least 2^nd hand, so is it a True (Sea) Story, or merely a “Turbine” Legend? You decide.

During a refit period in the late 70’s, the Key was tied up to the submarine tender ‘Proteus’ in Rota , Spain . One morning, an M Div chief making his rounds through the engineering spaces noticed a third class and a couple of seamen, presumably from the tender, hooking up a chain pulley to the overhead, loosening the bolts holding a motor to a pump, and wrapping a thick canvas strap around the motor housing.

“OK. First of all, that’s an auxiliary sea water pump, not a reactor plant fresh water pump, like it says here.

Second, this is the USS Francis Scott Key. The USS Will Rogers is tied up outboard of us.

We were out about a month from Rota and the following is fessed-up since the UCMJ is no longer applicable here. Bubble Heads involved shall remain nameless but those sailors will remember that eventful night, or was it day? Turns out a strong odor emanated from somewhere in the Missile Compartment and became worse as the cruise went on. Those of us in missile berthing will undoubtedly recall that awful stench. Anywho, I couldn't get any much needed rest from my ALOS hikes and decided to pinpoint this foul assault on my "scrubbed" air supply. In the shadows between the tubes I encountered the villain. There they were. A pair of size nine leather construction boots worn by a rookie from Pittsburgh. It must be written somewhere that Poopy suits clash with this footwear. I took matters into my own hands. For the sake of the crew mind you. I enlisted the help of an MT who somehow was allowed to strike for Sonar Tech, but shall remain nameless. Together we made our way to the mess deck and proceeded with the dirty deed. I made the can, and placed the weight on the bottom just like they showed me. The cook on duty turned a blind eye to the goings on and besides, he was a non-quall striker. My dastardly assistant handed me the first boot and I gingerly inserted it into the galvanized coffin (lucky they were for small feet). In went the second shoe and another weight was added, just for effect. I attached the top disc and sealed the package. The TDU performed flawlessly and now somewhere in the Med there lies a pair of size nine leather construction boots which even the fish avoid. I feel better now.

Maybe she’d be good at cards… Submitted Mike Rodgers ET1 (SS) Gold 76-80 (08/16/08)

One Saturday morning on patrol on the Key, the Engineer was conducting department training in the crew's mess.

Engineer: "The Navy is thinking about letting women serve aboard combatant ships. [This was in the mid 70's.]

Smith, what do you think about that? What would you think about having a female shipmate aboard this submarine?"

A Div-er Smith (not his real name) wrinkled his brow in thought for a few seconds, then his eyes got big and you could

almost see the light bulb turn on above his head. Finally he yelled out, "She could make a FORTUNE!!"

Francis Scott Key Sea Stories Index